We Have a Winner!

Thanks for the entries and for all the votes! I hope you'all'll play again next time!

We're formulating a new contest, but we have one brain between us, and it's somewhere in the house. As soon as we find it, we'll let'cha know.

Hot Dog!

Crazy Contest Entry Three:

About twenty years ago, a good friend of mine, Larry, had a black lab that loved chasing and retrieving stick, balls, squirrels etc. But as a playful dog also loved being chased.

Anyways, we were in the barnyard burning some brush and branches that we had cleared previously. We set the fire far enough from the barn so as not to cause any catastrophes. But as the brush pile went down the sticks got farther from the fire, thus we started to toss branches and twigs farther to reach the fire.

Little did we know that "Randy" the lab was watching excitedly. Stick after stick went flying past him. Longing to do what labs do best, instinct took over and he charged after a stick that Larry threw.

Unfortunately, in his excitement, he grabbed a short branch from the fire and ran with it. I saw it first and chased after the dog cursing. Larry also freaked out and joined the chase. This just thrilled the dog.

Now he was running everywhere with this flaming branch.

We had the dog cornered and the thankfully the flames died down to coals on the stick end. Carefully we approached the dog talking low and cursing it sweetly.

Larry reached out slowly for the stick. But the dog knew better and off he went...STRAIGHT INTO THE BARN!!! Screaming, we gave chase as the dog ran straight to the fresh bails of hay and lay down.

Instantly the loose hay on the floor caught fire.

But as we caught up with him and stamped out the fire he ran and started more fires. With no water, and a super dry barn our fight was lost.

The fire spread fast and furiously. And while we were fighting valiantly, the stupid dog was smart enough to leave and ran to the barnyard, still with the now smouldering stick. We escaped and could only watch from a distance as the barn burned to the ground.

Larry built a new barn and started anew.



The dog still goes after sticks and squirrels.



But during brush fires, he was chained up.

Just to be safe.

Leader of the Pack

August Crazy Contest Entry Two:

Jen invited me to join her for a dinner party one summer's even many moons ago. She prompted me that her and her boyfriend were experiencing problems in their relationship, and to expect some peculiar behavior from him. I figured they'd had a typical argument, and assured her they'd be fine. To my bewilderment, "Pete" was exceptionally strange that evening in his mannerisms and conversation. It was at dinner that I figured out what was wrong.

He announced proudly at the table that he'd decided to live a lifestyle of a different sort, that he was by nature the Alpha male of a dog pack. My girlfriend cringed in embarrassment.

I didn't know if he was joking until their dog sauntered in the room and Pete proceeded to "dominate" the poor creature. I stared gape-jawed as the poor beast rolled onto it's back in submission and Pete got down on all fours and bit it's scruff. I shot a look of sympathy to Jen, and the room went silent.

The awkwardness subsided when Pete and the dog went outside. Until Jen's Dad bellowed "BAH, YOUR BOYFRIEND IS AN IDIOT!!". We craned to see out the window he was standing in front of. The dog ran past full tilt heading down the street, followed moments later by Pete in pursuit, and completely in the nude.

We decided to make a quick and polite exit.

My husband whispered in my ear as we left that it was a 'good time to go before Pete tried humping anyone's leg'. I snorted louder than I meant to.

As for Jen, she broke up with Pete soon after, and has since married a nice human :)

Crazy Cat Lady

August Crazy Contest Entry One:

Quite a few years ago I lived in a house on the outskirts of town. My Mom lived in a small cottage on the property next door.

One afternoon while we were having coffee, she told me that rather than go to the hairdresser like she usually does, she decided that she would wash and roll her hair and lay out in the sun while it dried. A little while later I saw her heading to the back yard with her blanket to enjoy an afternoon of sunbathing.

It couldn’t have been about 15 minutes after she got settled in, I looked out the window and saw her storming around the side of the house and heading for my front door. I rushed to the door to see what was wrong and when I opened the door she yelled:Although it wasn’t readily apparent to me at that moment, I knew it must be something terrible because after all, that’s why parents give us middle names. To let us know we’re really in trouble! The kind of trouble where our first name alone just won’t do.

After looking her over for a minute I could see what looked like little wet droplets of something on her lavender bathing suit top.

Then it hit me. I couldn’t hold back.

I broke out into uncontrollable laughter.

I thought I would just die as she angrily described the event….”So there I was, just enjoying the sun when all of a sudden it feels like it’s starting to rain. I opened my eyes and all I could see was this long black cat tail waving above my face.”

You see, I had this little black male cat named Zephyr. Anyone who is familiar with cats knows that in a cat’s eyes, all things belong to cats.

Being one of eight cats, Zephyr was determined to mark anything he felt belonged to him by spraying it. Cat spray is a horrible mix of urine and a pungent oily musk that they use to mark their territory. He would spray anything from a five gallon bucket that my husband brought home to a new lawn chair.

We even had to warn our guests that would come over for a visit to make sure to roll their car windows up or else Zephyr would spray the ins

ide of their car.

On this particular day though, it was my mother’s freshly washed and rolled hair. I don’t know if it was the rollers themselves, or the Dippity-Doo she used to roll her hair with that incited the heinous act, but the fact remained that she was as

mad as a hornet! She spent all that time washing and rolling her hair only to have to take the rollers out, wash her hair and roll it back up again.

Later that day, after she had calmed down, I just had to ask her the question that was burning inside of me....

The Poll's Up!

Hooray! Vote Early, vote often!

poll by twiigs.com

Truth in Adverti-zing

My darling husband is a bonafide crazy.

He's risked his job more than once for the sake of pulling a sophmoric prank.

One of his proudest moments was in the early years of his career in industrial mechanics, at a factory which produced a particular national brand of pudding cups.

This day, butterscotch was the flavor in process. Mr. Husband had to do some routine testing on the printers in the packaging department, and while he was there, decided to do some creative editing. Thank Goodness nobody took notice, because for the rest of the day, the flavor printed on the pudding cups read: "BUTTERCROTCH".

We still have a roof over our heads!

Crazy Cat Calling Contraption

A friend of mine worked at a vocational rehab center and they were looking for a speech therapist. They ended up hiring a lady from Georgia. She moved out here and started work.

She was carrying a pet carrier around with her all the time, so one of the bosses asked her why.

She said that her cat didn't like to travel in the car so she left him at her old house in Georgia. She had the pet carrier because they had a mind link and when the cat was ready he was going to teleport himself to her and she needed the pet carrier for when he arrived.

Shortly after that exchange they were once again looking for a speech therapist.

Will Wierd Willy Win?

In a rural town, an hour east of my home, is a cemetery with one particularly infamous resident.

Weird Willy was a terrible murderous criminal in his lifetime, and his heinous deeds resulted in an isolated grave, for no one wished to buy plots in his proximity. When he was buried in the 1920s, local townsfolk marked his grave with a stone that had engraved upon it a curse.

It attracted dare devils every Halloween, those who were brave enough, followed the directions - run three times around the grave clockwise, and three times counter clockwise. More often that not, bad luck befell those who dared- often in a big way.

The curse came to an ugly head when almost ten years ago, Weird Willy came a callin' to a known crazy in town. This fellow was well known for his love of drink, penchant for freely dabbling in chemical substances and wild incoherent ramblings. One night, "Jason" threw a party, as friends gathered to celebrate , "Jason" was compelled to get up to other business.

He abruptly abandoned his own party and went, armed with supplies in his truck, to the resting place of Weird Willy. Upon arrival at the desolate graveyard, he proceeded to exhume the remains in the dark. He took with him every last bone, and placed the sightless grinning skull on his dashboard like some macabre trophy.

It was near his home that he was caught by police for speeding, but "Jason' didn't stop until he reached his driveway. Party goers streamed out of the house to see what the commotion was with the police. But as the officer approached "Jason's" car he was mortified by the discovery of the skeletal remains, "Jason" held the skull in hand and calmly introduced the officer to his new 'friend'.

Needless to say, Jason was immediately arrested. Weird Willy was returned to his grave and laid to rest again. "Jason" faced many charges and an extensive psychiatric evaluation. Surprisingly that night, his blood tests returned clean.

The curse may have been Weird Willy's way to escape the clutches of death. For "Jason" was the second victim of an addled mind to dig up the cursed bones.

Still the question remains... ...who will be next?

June's Winner: Last Will & Testament.

Poor Ben, hooray for Miss Too!
Jackie'll get a'hold of ya fer yer prize, if'n she has'nt yet.

July is here, and we'll post the first entry for July's contest later today, as soon as I find some relevant pics, walk the dog, watch Oprah and eat some Bon-Bons.

Crazy house Girl

Crazies Among us, Entry Fore

I write to tell you the tragic story of the Crazy House Girl. No, this is not me. I am crazy, but not in this way. The Crazy House Girl,or CHG, was...well...

She went to a normal school, like the rest of us. She looked like a normal girl. She talked like a normal girl. It wasn't until I entered her room--through a window--that I began to suspect she was a fewfries short of a value meal.

The window was necessary because the door was utterly blocked by clothes and...things. Things that I refused to investigate.

You perhaps think I mean there were a few books,some socks, things that could be easily swept to the side.

No.

There was achest-high mound of clothes n' things. Right in front of the door.

The room got worse from there.

There were food containers scattered about. A shattered television set with candy boxes in it. A heap of clothes, paper, and old broken toys from which, periodically, came the unmistakable sounds of a squeaky mouse wheel, and squeaky mice. Shoes. That weren't hers. Clothes-- shirts-- covered in what I valiantly tried to believe was chocolate syrup.

Only the bed stood relatively free of the drifitnig dunes o' filth. And I stayed on the bed, huddled against the open window, until-- for some mysterious reason-- I began to have an allergy attack. I asked where the bathroom was, so I could grab some tissue, and was told "Oh, we don't go there.”

The living room?

"Oh, no.”

The kitchen? Paper towels?

"We never leave this room. That's not safe."

By now I was about to choke, or start flooding the room with snot, so I dared to ask if there was anything tissue- like in the nightmare room we currently sat in.

"Oh, just use the curtains!”

I looked at the curtains. Which had fleas. Before I could comment, she said "Oh, I'm gonna grab a snack-- you want some cheese?" and headed for her closet.

And while her back was turned, I dove out the window and fled into the night.

Crazy Contest Continued

Are there really only 3 crazy people in the world? There are only five days left for June's entries. I know some of you wanna play, but are a little shy. It's o.k. - you'll be anon-knee-mouse, even if you win, we can change your name to protect your innocence.




Write a quick story! No need to be convoluted or complicated, we can add pictures and check your spelling for ya. Send your stories to me via e-mail, to magichands@cox.net - we promise not to giggle at your email name.

Honest.

Or is it that the prize isn't good enough? Is that what it is?

Rules reminder, if'n ya need it.

Why haven't you submitted a story?

• Can't write. Clowns'll eat me.
• Can't write. Mimes are talking to me.
• Can't write. My fingers are like bananas.
• Can't write. Bananas will eat me.
• Can't write. Union regulations.

Created on Jun 25, 2009

View Results

poll by twiigs.com

Push the Button, Max

Crazies Among Us, Entry Tree

So, my mom got a cell phone and she was having all kinds of problems with it. She would call me, but then I couldn't call her back. She just could not get it to work.

She took it back and had the phone people look at it and she even exchanged it for a different one. We got her to make sure she had the ringer turned up high enough to hear, she called tech support a bunch of times, but nothing would work.

I even had her check her plan to make sure she didn't have one of those kid plans where you can only call certain numbers.

We tried everything.

So my mother-in-law was in the hospital, and he stopped by to see mom. He told her he would look at her cell phone to see if he could figure it out. She tells me that he couldn't get it to work either. After he left, he called me on his cell phone to tell me that he knew what was wrong with mom's phone.

He tried to call his cell phone and it worked fine, so he used his cell phone to call hers and it worked fine. So he told mom it was working and she said to let her see, and.....SHE TURNED THE POWER OFF!!!

Then she tried to call it and told him that she couldn't get it to work and she was going to take it back and get one somewhere else. He was too embarrassed to tell her what she was doing so I had to call her and tell her what the problem was. The phone will not ring if the power is off.

I wish you could have been here. I have not laughed so hard since you told us about gluing your pants to the table.

It was hilarious.

So, maybe not a crazy person. I'll leave that decision up to you.

Crazy Discount of the Day

While I wait for more crazy stories in my inbox (HINT HINT HINT) I thought I’d run a quick sale for y’all. So here you go:

Buy anything, I don’t care how much, and as long as your order includes a lip balm, I’ll refund you for half the shipping on the entire order.

This is good from right this minute until 6pm Pacific time, on Sunday, June 14^th.

You can use this on either our Etsy Shop or our Main Shop, and you can combine it with other offers. To take advantage of this, you have to tell me in your notes to seller that you’re insane.

Once more – buy a lip balm (along with anything else you feel like), tell me you’re insane, and get a refund of half the shipping for the whole order.

PS – man, this makes me feel like this WingNut:

Last Will & Testament

Crazies Among Us, Entry Too

One of the employees at my Hubby's former workplace left the floor to take a bathroom break during a busy production run. An hour and a bit later, the foreman went looking for "Ben", thinking he was avoiding work like his usual lazy self.

The foreman knew he'd found Ben when he spotted a piece of toilet paper wiggling beneath the bathroom door.

As it happened, the door handle had broken, locking Ben in- his screams drowned out by machinery. Production stopped, and everyone gathered in front of the door. A mechanic ran to get a drill to remove the broken handle, but Ben sobbed uncontrollably, convinced he'd met his fate there in the employee loo.

The crew burst into laughter, as Ben passed under the door, one square at a time, his Last Will and Testament written on toilet paper.

A couple of hours later he emerged unscathed, but never lived down his TP will.

- - - - -

Speaking of Crazies and toilet paper...

From Joël Côté-Cright Photographs:

From Wedding Dresses Magazine:

The Human Garberator

Crazies Among Us, Entry One

My Hubby used to work at a food processing plant with a crazy guy who was known as the Human Garberator. It became a game of sorts for the staff to see what gross food offering "Bob" would stop at.

One coffee break, Bob sat down to have a bowl of cereal. One of the guys reached across the table and poured an ounce of blue industrial food dye #1 into Bob's bowl- enough of this potent pigment to dye an Olympic size pool. Ron looked at the inky milk, shrugged, and dug his spoon in.

Hours later, someone noticed Bob with blue sweat beads on his brow. When he returned from the mens' room, he happliy announced having other blue fluids in his system.

The next day, someone asked if he'd done a 'blue poo'- the answer was yes.

Panic set in two weeks later when there was no improvement. The workplace called the dye manufacturer to asked what a person should do in this instance, and the phone went dead before the agent asked nervously why anyone would have ingested this amount of Blue #1.

She suggested she suggested he'd be fine, and should drink plenty of water. Two months later, Bob returned to normal.

He's still alive, and eating gross crap.

Crazy Contest Rules

Okay, I've already heard from one person who has a lunatic story - and the rest of you are invited to play, too!

Here's how it will work: I'm gonna celebrate the reality-challenged all summer long. I will accept and anonymously post your stories. At the end of each month (June, July and August) I'll set up a poll and everyone will vote for their favorite. After Labor Day, I'll set up a poll for the three monthly winners, and let everyone vote for a grand prize.

Each monthly winner will get a free bar of soap, their choice of scent. The grand prize winner gets a gift set - one bar of soap, one salt bar, one body polish, one body butter or frosting, and a lip balm. To further celebrate the crazy, you can pick your scents, but you aren't allowed to make a matching set.

The more batshit the collection,
the happier I'll be to send it out.

Enter as often as you'd like. That's right! Send your stories to me via e-mail, to magichands at cox dot net. I look forward to giggling while I read.

Image courtesy of http://thegoldguys.blogspot.com/

Summertime and the Living is... ...Crazy!

I have a theme for the summer season:

Lemme ‘splain.

I was talking to Jesse about my summer blog, and a couple of entries I had in mind – there are some complete whackjobs in my office that deserve an entry, and a couple of personal stories of loonies I have known, if not loved.

Plus the spring fashion collections were just released, and Helena Bonham Carter is still roaming the streets free as a bird, so there are boatloads of things to discuss.

We agreed that there is way too much crazy roaming around the world at the moment for us to hog it all.

So, please, I beg of you, send me your crazy stories!

I’ll have to hide the names of the perps – crazies tend to be vindictive – but I want to post your tales. The best story will receive a gift from my shop – details to be worked out and announced shortly.

I’ll also be running periodic Batshit Crazy sales, with completely random discounts and time frames.

Now, I’m off to work on the first post, so you’ll see what I have in mind, and figure out a good giveaway.

But watch for more info soon!

Vote for me!

I just learned that one of my items was selected for an Etsy poll on Best Beauty Bets – stop by and vote! There’s some pretty cool stuff by other sellers, too.

http://www.etsy.com/voter

Vote any time between now and March 2nd.

C’mon, I’ll be your pal.

(You know, I actually don’t know what I get if I’m voted in – probably nothing – but just in case there’s a cash prize or something, help a sister out.)