What's On the Rack?

I've gotten a few questions lately, from people looking for some old favorites. Rest assured, nothing has been discontinued, here's what's ready to come back soon:


Ambre de Nepal: Warm, rich and sexy, this scent is beloved by men and women alike. Each beautiful bar is dusted with gold mica and stamped in gold, for an enhanced feeling of luxury.


Cedar & Saffron: A wonderful warm, rich and sexy men's scent - unique notes of saffron overlay cedarwood.


Honey & Propolis: Sweet, gorgeous honey, with just a hint of floral notes. I absolutely love this one!


Rare Earth: I was inspired to make this after watching a neighbor build a gorgeous rock wall around his garden. This was incredibly time consuming to make, but the end result is exactly what I had in mind.


Valencia: Fresh oranges with a hint of spice, and wonderful lather due to added red moroccan clay and orange peel powder. No artificial fragrances or colorants in this one.


Wildwood Rose: A drop dead sexy blend, made up of sandalwood, patchouli, cedar, rose, and black pepper. If the Wicked Queen from Snow White wanted to take a decadent shower, this is the soap she'd use.


Since it's the end of June and the beginning of July, it's just about time for me to start making the fall and holiday scents. For the 4th of July, I plan on being a pumpkin pie smelling making fool. No doubt DH will be sad that it's not an actual pie day.

For Bander's Blog Buddies

Just a quick pic, for those who miss our dog.

Crazy house Girl

Crazies Among us, Entry Fore

I write to tell you the tragic story of the Crazy House Girl. No, this is not me. I am crazy, but not in this way. The Crazy House Girl,or CHG, was...well...

She went to a normal school, like the rest of us. She looked like a normal girl. She talked like a normal girl. It wasn't until I entered her room--through a window--that I began to suspect she was a fewfries short of a value meal.

The window was necessary because the door was utterly blocked by clothes and...things. Things that I refused to investigate.

You perhaps think I mean there were a few books,some socks, things that could be easily swept to the side.

No.

There was achest-high mound of clothes n' things. Right in front of the door.

The room got worse from there.

There were food containers scattered about. A shattered television set with candy boxes in it. A heap of clothes, paper, and old broken toys from which, periodically, came the unmistakable sounds of a squeaky mouse wheel, and squeaky mice. Shoes. That weren't hers. Clothes-- shirts-- covered in what I valiantly tried to believe was chocolate syrup.

Only the bed stood relatively free of the drifitnig dunes o' filth. And I stayed on the bed, huddled against the open window, until-- for some mysterious reason-- I began to have an allergy attack. I asked where the bathroom was, so I could grab some tissue, and was told "Oh, we don't go there.”

The living room?

"Oh, no.”

The kitchen? Paper towels?

"We never leave this room. That's not safe."

By now I was about to choke, or start flooding the room with snot, so I dared to ask if there was anything tissue- like in the nightmare room we currently sat in.

"Oh, just use the curtains!”

I looked at the curtains. Which had fleas. Before I could comment, she said "Oh, I'm gonna grab a snack-- you want some cheese?" and headed for her closet.

And while her back was turned, I dove out the window and fled into the night.

Crazy Contest Continued

Are there really only 3 crazy people in the world? There are only five days left for June's entries. I know some of you wanna play, but are a little shy. It's o.k. - you'll be anon-knee-mouse, even if you win, we can change your name to protect your innocence.




Write a quick story! No need to be convoluted or complicated, we can add pictures and check your spelling for ya. Send your stories to me via e-mail, to magichands@cox.net - we promise not to giggle at your email name.

Honest.

Or is it that the prize isn't good enough? Is that what it is?

Rules reminder, if'n ya need it.

Why haven't you submitted a story?

• Can't write. Clowns'll eat me.
• Can't write. Mimes are talking to me.
• Can't write. My fingers are like bananas.
• Can't write. Bananas will eat me.
• Can't write. Union regulations.

Created on Jun 25, 2009

View Results

poll by twiigs.com

Crazy is the New Sexy

I’m not generally obsessed with celebrities. However, Johnny Depp…. Lord, I would drink that man’s bathwater. He’s got the exact look that makes my blood temperature rise; who chooses roles by how much he wants to do them, instead of what he thinks the box office take will be.

Yummy.

Another thing I quite like is Alice in Wonderland – heck, the dogchild, Bander, was named after the Bandersnatch from the Jabberwocky poem.

So in theory, the intersection of those two things should be delightful. Except that strangely, it looks like this:


This is my beloved J. Depp, in makeup as the Mad Hatter, for the new Alice movie by Mr. Crazy Pants Tim Burton. And I want to know what you think!

Yummy, once again.
Oh yeah, and he’s a great actor.

Johnny D. - Sexy or Crazy?

• Johnny Depp can do anything. Pass me a glass of bathwater.
• Tim Burton is a really really persuasive guy.
• Don’t be ridiculous. That’s not JD, it’s Carrot Top on a Saturday night.
• I can’t vote, the picture made me go blind.
• Holy Crap!

Created on Jun 23, 2009

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poll by twiigs.com

Mundane Mondays

We tried Mystical Mondays, Money Mondays, Maverick Mondays and any other Monday you can think of, and the best we could come up with was mundane.

Because Mondays just sit there like a rock in a shoe. Nothing ever good happens on a Monday. The only exciting thing about Mondays are all the stories you tell that happened over the weekend.

Sundays get brunches and lazy afternoons, Saturday are forbeaches and parks and barbecues. Even Fridays get dinner and a movie.

But Mondays?

The Archduke, Franz Ferdinand was assassinated on a Monday, launching World War One. Mondays are for mayhem. There's a reason there's a Good Friday, a Fat Tuesday and a Black Monday. And for the record, kids, don't use me as a reference for your term paper, I looked it up, and it was a Sunday. But you can bet your butt, they were talking about it on Monday.

Push the Button, Max

Crazies Among Us, Entry Tree

So, my mom got a cell phone and she was having all kinds of problems with it. She would call me, but then I couldn't call her back. She just could not get it to work.

She took it back and had the phone people look at it and she even exchanged it for a different one. We got her to make sure she had the ringer turned up high enough to hear, she called tech support a bunch of times, but nothing would work.

I even had her check her plan to make sure she didn't have one of those kid plans where you can only call certain numbers.

We tried everything.

So my mother-in-law was in the hospital, and he stopped by to see mom. He told her he would look at her cell phone to see if he could figure it out. She tells me that he couldn't get it to work either. After he left, he called me on his cell phone to tell me that he knew what was wrong with mom's phone.

He tried to call his cell phone and it worked fine, so he used his cell phone to call hers and it worked fine. So he told mom it was working and she said to let her see, and.....SHE TURNED THE POWER OFF!!!

Then she tried to call it and told him that she couldn't get it to work and she was going to take it back and get one somewhere else. He was too embarrassed to tell her what she was doing so I had to call her and tell her what the problem was. The phone will not ring if the power is off.

I wish you could have been here. I have not laughed so hard since you told us about gluing your pants to the table.

It was hilarious.

So, maybe not a crazy person. I'll leave that decision up to you.

A Quick Bander Update

It's been a few days, and he's gone through a couple of splints. He's like the rest of the family, tough on things. He's not as sad as he was, although on his last trip to the vet, they decided to try and used a couple of sheep worth of padding and a bit of green tape to keep it together.

So here he is all happy, on the way to the vets.

Since then, he's been more tired. But I think that's because without the splint, he feels the ankle/paw soreness more. I guess it keeps him from doing further damage; it must be working, because he certainly has spent more time not trying to drag me across the planet.

In fact, he's spent all his time doing what he does best; being a doorstop. This is where he stayed for about an hour, before I had to carry him down the stairs. He's not allowed up or down them, so if he wants to hang out with me while I do stuff, I've gotta carry him.

But he's adapting. I mean, he found the most comfy place in the house, and staked his claim.

So if'n you're wondering how he doing, he's a little better and a little more shrweepy.

It'd be nice if I could work this hard.

Ahem, My Side of the Story

I know you are all wondering why I mentioned Helena Bonham Carter and then went mysteriously quiet on the topic. It has something to do with this posting from a favorite website, Go Fug Yourself:

As much as I think the shoes are wackadoo, I have to admit that my first thought was “dang, I bet those are comfortable”. I made the mistake of admitting that to Jesse, who, nutbag that he is, has completely overstated the case.

However, those FiveFingers are AWESOME and I want a pair right now.

And before he makes you think he’s not the crazy one, these are his favorite shoes right here:

Not only are they uncomfortable, technically speaking, THEY’RE NOT EVEN SHOES. THEY’RE SKEWERS YOU TAPE TO YOUR LEGS.

I rest my case.

Jackie is Crazy

There is no question in my mind. She's off her rocker. She's gone over the edge. Mad as a Hatter. Lost her marbles.

You might say, she's past the point of safe return.

You see, she has fallen in love with something new. She claims that it's practically a match made in heaven and that there is nothing in the world that she wants more right now:

That's right. Z-Coil shoes.

I'm sure they are practical. I'm sure they are comfortable. But come on! They're glorified (if they can be called that) Mary Janes. Tired. Boring. Usual, albeit, with a spring.
First it was Crocs, then it was 'Gellin like Magellan' (which really isn't a rhyme, no matter what the story books say). I thank the stars that she never caught the ballerina slipper shoe movement, 'cause those are just wrong; they're not even cute, they're snub nosed hose slippers with little bows or bedazzled bits on them, sheesh.

If you really want to make a funky fashion statement and be more comfortable than your regular fare, Fivefingers are so much cooler:
These are awesome. Totally remind me of the socks I always wanted as a kid. Well, alright, I still want them.

It's not that I hate the shoes. I just think they're way too boring for her. I mean, she is crazy. Nothing helps a crazy person better than a little bit of boring and therefore, I may have to hide them from her for all time.

Update on Bander

He's not broken, anywhere. Sprained, bruised, and drugged out of his mind, but not broken.

'El Doggo' has gone around the block and sat in the grass for a while, so he's doing o.k., albeit he's slow and awkward. In fact, he snuck upstairs while I'm posting this and is lying down behind me right now.

I think he has a knife or a machete in his good paw.

I don't want to look and find out.

Pieceing all the information together, he climbed over the computer desk, chewed through a drawing board that was propped against the window, busted through the screen (that was the crashing noise everyone heard) walked to the corner of the roof, and jumped down.

He left his mark in the asphalt.

I need to put a sock or something over the bandage; a one block walk has begun to wear through already, which you can kinda see in the main pic.

Thank you, everyone, for your well wishing and kind words.

We'll keep you updated on his progress!

Crazy comes on four feet, too.

I am posting this quickly while I wait to hear from the emergency vet. I had some fun stuff planned for today, but I didn't get to it, because I've been entirely focused on Bander.

And here's what Bander did to distract me: while I was gone doing a massage, and while Jesse was at work, he jumped out a second floor bedroom window. I'm pretty sure he broke his right front leg. At the very least, he has some pretty heavy bruising and sprains.

The neighbors heard breaking glass, and ran out to see what the noise was. They called Jesse at work and told him what happened, and then took care of Bander until I could get home and drive him to the emergency animal hospital.

I was pacing too much, so they sent me home, but he's getting pain meds and xrays and a splint and all sorts of expensive things. I get to go pick him up in an hour or so.

What kind of crazy dog jumps out a second floor window? He had to get up over the top of the computer desk to do it, too. And he launched himself right through the screeen, and broke a couple of roof tiles. I know he landed on his feet because there are toenail divots in the asphalt.

This is not the kind of crazy I enjoy. Poor dog.

Crazy Discount of the Day

While I wait for more crazy stories in my inbox (HINT HINT HINT) I thought I’d run a quick sale for y’all. So here you go:

Buy anything, I don’t care how much, and as long as your order includes a lip balm, I’ll refund you for half the shipping on the entire order.

This is good from right this minute until 6pm Pacific time, on Sunday, June 14^th.

You can use this on either our Etsy Shop or our Main Shop, and you can combine it with other offers. To take advantage of this, you have to tell me in your notes to seller that you’re insane.

Once more – buy a lip balm (along with anything else you feel like), tell me you’re insane, and get a refund of half the shipping for the whole order.

PS – man, this makes me feel like this WingNut:

Last Will & Testament

Crazies Among Us, Entry Too

One of the employees at my Hubby's former workplace left the floor to take a bathroom break during a busy production run. An hour and a bit later, the foreman went looking for "Ben", thinking he was avoiding work like his usual lazy self.

The foreman knew he'd found Ben when he spotted a piece of toilet paper wiggling beneath the bathroom door.

As it happened, the door handle had broken, locking Ben in- his screams drowned out by machinery. Production stopped, and everyone gathered in front of the door. A mechanic ran to get a drill to remove the broken handle, but Ben sobbed uncontrollably, convinced he'd met his fate there in the employee loo.

The crew burst into laughter, as Ben passed under the door, one square at a time, his Last Will and Testament written on toilet paper.

A couple of hours later he emerged unscathed, but never lived down his TP will.

- - - - -

Speaking of Crazies and toilet paper...

From Joël Côté-Cright Photographs:

From Wedding Dresses Magazine:

The Human Garberator

Crazies Among Us, Entry One

My Hubby used to work at a food processing plant with a crazy guy who was known as the Human Garberator. It became a game of sorts for the staff to see what gross food offering "Bob" would stop at.

One coffee break, Bob sat down to have a bowl of cereal. One of the guys reached across the table and poured an ounce of blue industrial food dye #1 into Bob's bowl- enough of this potent pigment to dye an Olympic size pool. Ron looked at the inky milk, shrugged, and dug his spoon in.

Hours later, someone noticed Bob with blue sweat beads on his brow. When he returned from the mens' room, he happliy announced having other blue fluids in his system.

The next day, someone asked if he'd done a 'blue poo'- the answer was yes.

Panic set in two weeks later when there was no improvement. The workplace called the dye manufacturer to asked what a person should do in this instance, and the phone went dead before the agent asked nervously why anyone would have ingested this amount of Blue #1.

She suggested she suggested he'd be fine, and should drink plenty of water. Two months later, Bob returned to normal.

He's still alive, and eating gross crap.