Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween

I have a lot of very vivid dreams (more on that to follow tomorrow). There is one unusual sort of nightmare I suffer from, and those are the ones my husband has.

Get this.

A couple of months ago, I’m lying in bed, when Jesse shakes my shoulder and says “Honey, slide out of bed RIGHT NOW – there’s a giant spider over you. Get out of the way so I can kill it!”

He makes sure I am wide awake by yanking my pillow (!) to safety while my head thuds onto the mattress and I consider what he has just said. He has my complete, undivided attention, of course – as a matter of fact, I am buck naked, wide awake, and standing in the doorway ready to make a run for it before he finishes the sentence.

I know there are those big honking orb spiders in our back yard, and I am in constant fear that one will *shudder* crawl on me and I will die from a fatal attack of the willies, so I am more than speedy at running away while he kills it to save me.

He uses the purloined pillow – which I will be expected to sleep on after this – as a weapon. (His term is “pimp hand”, because apparently I live with Snoop Dogg or something.) He’s really swinging it, whacking the holy hell out of everything on my side of the bed.

I’ve had a little time to think, while this goes on. As a matter of fact, now that I really consider it, it’s 3am and pitch black. I ask, “Honey, can you see the spider? What kind was it?”

“Um, it’s gone.”

“Okay… how did you see it in the dark? How did you know it was going to land on me?”

Slowly, using the interrogation method, I uncover the fact that he DREAMED there was a spider coming to get me. I find it very endearing that he saves me in his dreams, but on the other hand it’s 3am and I’m wide awake with kind of a headache from all the whacking sounds and the willies have arrived and I’m not sure I want to get back in bed EVER and certainly not right now.

My husband is snoring. I’d kill him, but then there wouldn’t be anybody to save me from the actual giant spiders.

Pic 1: Ivan Makarov Pic 2: Mimpy


Kala Pohl Studio said...

Aw, how sweet - what a hero even if it was a dream:):)

UniqueNurseGranny said...

Cute..your hero, and you are fortunate to have one..I once found a student nurse slamming at the patients's bed..She was "Killing Spiders for him."Not heroic like yours as he was in DT's and that is not what she was taught..

Tracy said...

I guess I shouldn't tell you my 2 am tarantula story just yet then.

What the hell. I am telling you the next time we meet for coffee!

sisterofmagichands said...

Ok. So we have similar husbands. One night about 2am Doug threw off the covers, jumped out of bed, and was staring at the closet door. I immediately knew there was a serial killer in there!! (I have got to lay off the horror movies) As I was calculating the odds of getting past him to the bedroom door or perhaps jumping out the window, he turned and started to get back in bed. When I asked him what was wrong he acted like I was the crazy one. "Nothing. What are you talking about?" And back to the sleep of the dead. So like you, I am up with my heart pounding, wondering, if I kill him, will anyone believe that it was actually the serial killer from the closet?


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