Sunday, May 23, 2010

EEEEEWWWW

Okay, it's going to be another post without pictures. That's because I'm kind and considerate and don't want to squick you out.

Because here's the thing: summer in Florida includes mandatory visits of Palmetto Bugs. If you've never seen one of these beasts, the first thing you should do is spend 20 minutes or so thinking about how lucky you are and then congratulate yourself for living somewhere reasonable.

Palmetto Bugs are Florida cockroaches. They're 2-3 inches long, not afraid of light, and they FLY. The effing monsters FLY. They also run toward you if you startle them. And they bite.

Bander is horribly confused by them. At first, he thought they were mice (yes, they're that big). One got in the house last night and he started chasing it until he actually got close, and then he got all big eyed and ran away. When a bug is big enough to scare away a hundred pound dog, it's pretty big.

I used my patented Palmetto Bug killing technique, which is to flap my hands like a wounded chicken and do my Special Roach Dance while I scream for Jesse to come kill it. When he isn't home, I either stun them with a broom and sweep them away - since I don't have to get any closer than the length of the broom handle - or, if I miss with the first whack and make the giant bug angry, I run away. Since they fly and I can't, this involves a lot of panicking and slamming doors. Of course Jesse is reading this while I type and keeps reminding me that they can crawl under the doors and now I'm afraid to ever sleep again unless I can find some sort of combo jammies/beekeeper getup.

Bugs are gross.

2 comments:

Joanna said...

yeh, those make me squeal like a child. They are huge. I didn't know they bite. Thanks for totally screwing with my reality. I am very lucky. I have lived here for 6? 7 years? I have only seen 2 in my house. One 4 years ago and one four months ago. We see a whole lot of baby salamanders. THAT I can live with. My cats play with them until they are dead, which I can not stop, but at least they aren't plane sized roaches!

Caroline said...

Okay, this made me laugh a LOT. We have Palmettos here in Houston also. Word from the wise; roach spray just makes them mad. Like, charging and flying mad, directly at you. Which causes you to freak out, slip on roach spray soaked tile, and break your arm.

Ask me how I know.

 

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